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A family in distress..Has been edited and corrected!


This will be a little hard for me to tell about. Please keep in mind that I am not involved except as a long time friend of the family. But I could have been except for the fact that I was several years older and not ready for such a commitment at that time.

A family I know quite well had nine members in it. 4 girls and 3 boys and two parents. They lived in a very small house. they were very poor but proud people. The girls were quite much involved with their local church.

The family had the normal difficulties. They always had a huge garden and a few chickens and a pig every year and a couple of cows to provide milk.

Both parents worked very hard

The youngsters grew up and at least two of the girls went to college.

This is about one of the girls.

Everyone like her. She had a laugh that told you that she was sincere in all that she did.

And she was very bright and eventually got to be a college instructor.

She tried to be as perfect a person as anyone could want.

She married a fine gentleman and they had three or four youngsters. He was well thought of too. He had been in the army during the Vietnamese squabble. Many years after his discharge from service it was discovered that he had been in an area where chemical defolient had been used. Eventually it killed him.

His wife was well provided for by him and she has her own pension from teaching. Their children had aready left the nest.

Like I said the mother, (I will call her "B"), had tried her entire life to be a perfect person. Her children had attended church regularly as did she and her husband.

"B" was the kind of person who everyone gravitated toward.

But then things began to go wrong. Their first daughter, ( I will call her "C"), rebelled.

"C" became pregnant and had at least two youngsters of her own. Eventually these two youngsters were removed from her care. Then "C's" mother took care of them.

Then one of these grandaughters , who was also a little difficult to handle, began to get into much more serious trouble. She is a teenager now and a guest of the juvenile system. She is now soon eligible to be released. But no one in her family wants the responsibility of caring for her.

 It seems as if this 16 year old girl has no qualms about using devious means to get what she wants.


The mother, "B" has to be heart sick over how her daughter and grandaughter has turned out.

I only became aware of this 16 year old grandaughter's plight today.

"B's" parents, especially her own mother, was unable to accept the fact that hormones often run rampant. Sexual matters were absolutely a forbidden subject within the family! Any indiscretions were always hidden or at best if they could not be covered up, were made a subject of a joke!

You might even say, "DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DO," mentality!


And I have reason to believe that this has had a great deal to do with what has taken place in subsequent generations

 "B's" mother died of cancer when "B" was graduating from high school. "B's" father had mental problems and had to be hospitalized from time to time. Actually he was a good man and took care of his family, But things simply went out of focus for him ocassionally.

1.

I think "A", (the matriarch of the family), tried much too hard to instill in her four daughters the dangers of lovemaking without marriage! It was something to be hidden away and not to be forgiven, especially if a pregnancy took place!

2.

"B" tried much too hard to become a perfect person!

3.

"C" rebelled at her mother's attempt to have her become a perfect person also.

4.

The 16 year old girl had little if any, very early supervision and maybe was possibily abused by her mother.

Now back to "B's" early life

"B" had a daughter born in another far away state that she kept hidden from her family soon after graduating from college. This daughter eventually was able to track her mother down by way of a computer program a few years ago. They did meet each other eventually but I do not think any kind of relationship between them ever developed.

t is impossible for me to accept the fact that anyone, mother or father, would or could ever walk away from a birth of a child, marriage or not!

"B" is now retired and is a widow for maybe fifteen years. She has dated three or four different eligible males. But there always seems to be some sort of snag that prevents a permanent relationship.



But I know it happens every day.

And no! I was not responsible for any of these unfortunate events! I only knew the family and went to school with the seven youngsters!

It is my observation that "B" tried much too hard to become the absolute pride and joy of her parents and siblings. And it has only deterioted into a very miserable situation for succeeding generations of "B's"offspring! .

"B" was about 9 years old when I first became friends of the family.

Of the nine members of that family there are only three left living!


Last edited by bummee, 9/27/2009, 10:39 am
9/26/2009, 6:57 pm Link to this post Send e-mail to   Send PM to
 
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Re: A family in distress..Has been edited and corrected!


How does this affect you, Bummy?

Is there some moral to the story that you wish to express?

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9/28/2009, 7:41 pm Link to this post Send e-mail to   Send PM to Blog
 
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Re: A family in distress..Has been edited and corrected!


My siblings and I all went to school together with these youngsters. We were all about the same age.

They were all decent people. They were all hard workers. We became quite close to them. We helped each other with our farm work. Later when I was a little older I helped to improve their house. Like installing a better sewer system, building an addition on their very small house.

An accident took place that took the life of one of the youngsters. He was 17 years old. (I will not go into details about his death!)

He was quiet, almost shy, but very likeable and always willing to help anyone. He had a paper route. I transported another family member around his paper route until other arrangements could be made.

In short, I made myself availible to give whatever support to them that I could.

Then the kids began to feel their hormones kicking in.
Several wrong choices were made. But they left their home nest to make their homes.

"B" was the most sensible one of all. However by now she had to pretty much take care of herself. Her Father had been hospitalized. Her Mother was dying of cancer. All except one of her siblings had married. So that left The mother, "B" and a younger sister left at home.

One of the brothers was appointed to be the guardian of these two teenage girls when the mother died.

Actually he was really unable to manage his own affairs and family life. I will give him credit for trying but the job was way past his ability to handle it.

"B" is about 10 years younger then I am.

This affects me because I feel like an older brother especially to "B". I never even knew the family until I was about 16 years old.

I often went to visit the mother as she was bedridden. and also the two youngsters on weekends. We would watch TV for an hour or so or maybe "B: and I would visit about many things, like school, religion and some things were a bit more personal. "B" was not yet dating. She was unsure about many aspects of the subject. It was a hush, hush subject in her family!

"B" grew up, went to college and I did not see her for many years. She is now about 65, and a widow. Her children are all grown up now. And "B" has had to care for some of her grandchildren.

"B" is dating again with marriage on her mind or at least some sort of relationship. But she is not having very good luck with "landing" one her male companions or friends.

"B" made the statement a couple of years ago of being from "BAD SEED!" I do not exactly recall the conversation or how we came to be talking about families or family life. But this statement has planted itself in my mind and I wonder what was running thru her mind at that time.

"BAD SEED?" NO! Perhaps not the best of choices were made however.

If there is a moral here it is to be careful of your actions and words. And do not act without thought!

Last edited by bummee, 10/3/2009, 11:53 am
9/29/2009, 10:04 am Link to this post Send e-mail to   Send PM to
 
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Re: A family in distress..Has been edited and corrected!


Hmm, that's not quite what I took away from it. I got that if you're too strict as a parent and have more children than you can properly care for, then your children will more than likely grow up to have more problems than average.

Oh well. Different perspectives can make life interesting. emoticon

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9/29/2009, 5:32 pm Link to this post Send e-mail to   Send PM to Blog
 
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Re: A family in distress..Has been edited and corrected!


I have a pretty good idea that the matriarch, "B's" mother, had found herself with child early on and the youngster was claimed to be and raised to be a baby brother instead of an offspring.

So the embarrassment and denial of that early indescretion was carried to the next generation and the next, and the next.

This started in the early 1930's.

"B" was born about 1944.

In this family It was only the girls who were looked down upon or blamed for any "ealry pregnancies" during this era.

If my daughter found herself faced with this problem. I would take her in and give her all the needed support in a heartbeat!

"B's" grandaughter probably does not have much of a chance to ever have a good life now.

Being too srrict and avoiding discussing the problems of the maturing youngsters, with them is not a great idea!


There is another friend of ours who found herself going thru a divorce. In the divorce process and during the emotional stress she also told me of an indiscretion which ended in pregnancy. My words to her were that her offspring needed love and that if "X" had a problem with this beautiful little charmer, she should inform "X" that it was not my friend's problem but it was "X's" problem!




9/30/2009, 12:31 pm Link to this post Send e-mail to   Send PM to
 
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Re: A family in distress..Has been edited and corrected!


quote:

Being too srrict and avoiding discussing the problems of the maturing youngsters, with them is not a great idea!


I agree 100%. Parents need to listen to their children without judging them. Guide them, sure, but don't make them feel judged, or they'll just be more secretive in the future, and often won't know where to go for good advice.

This is the biggest problem I have with abstinence-only education. Children are going to do what they're going to do, so they should at least be informed on how to be careful, what could happen if they're not careful, and the accidents that could happen even if they are careful.

Tell them condoms will decrease the chance of getting pregnant or contracting disease, but also tell them that condoms aren't full-proof, so it's best to stay abstinent. Personally, I think this is a more convincing reason for children to put off having sex, than telling them a supposedly loving god will throw them into a lake of fire for all eternity if they don't follow some arbitrary rules.

quote:

If my daughter found herself faced with this problem. I would take her in and give her all the needed support in a heartbeat!


As any good father should. emoticon

Last edited by Lesigner Girl, 9/30/2009, 7:31 pm


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9/30/2009, 7:30 pm Link to this post Send e-mail to   Send PM to Blog
 
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Re: A family in distress..Has been edited and corrected!


I only have a biological son. But I do or did have two stepdaughters. One of the stepdaughters died from complications due to diabetis. She was about 31 years old.

I married their mother when they were 4 and 5 years old. But as far as I was concerned these two girls could not have been loved any more by me, if they had been my biological daughters!

Their biological father tried his best to destroy their love for me and their mother. The matter even went to a child support hearing, (cant recall the title of the man who we went before.)

We could have made the father lose his visitation privilages because of a serious incident. We even had a witness to the incident.

I told him in front of the "child support officer" that I never wanted to hear of such an incident again. And if any such an incident came to us again he would be brought up on charges of child abuse. That "child support officer" did not say a word or ask any questions about this incident. I think he understood very well what had precipitated this hearing.

You could see the fear creep over the father's face. I think we could have put him in jail right then. But we really did not want to do that.

What we wanted was for him to spend quality visitation time with the girls and not to make trouble for us all.

He is dead now. But before he died, his son by his second wife was killed in an auto accident. About two months later my stepdaughter, (his biological daughter) also died of diabetis.

A third daughter of his is heavily into drugs, She is also the daughter from his second wife. This girl also lost her own offspring about a year ago in an auto accident.

It was said that he died of heartbreak! Losing two offspring and another daughter being a druggie!

So sad! So sad!


Bummy
 
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Too sad. My condolences on the loss of your step daughter at such a young age.

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10/1/2009, 5:13 pm Link to this post Send e-mail to   Send PM to Blog
 
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She had a massive brain hemmorage while visiting her sister in Florida. It was determined that life support could have extended her life an indeterminate period. All of us, including me, her biological father, her mother and stepmother, sister were all in agreement that she would not want to live as a vegetable. Life support was removed.

Just before she flew to Florida from Pennsylvania this little daughter of mine made a phonecall to me.

She said, "I just wanted to tell you goodbye Bill!"

Then she told me her plans to visit hes sister in Florida and return with them to Pennsylvania in about a month. They would be driving north.

I have a pretty good idea that she knew deep down inside that she was not coming back. We visited several minutes about many things. One of those things was about the death of her half brother just a few weeks earlier. She had made it a point to call me about his accident and death the next day after it took place. He was on his way back home from a party. He wanted to get home before his father got home from work.

As much as I loved her, I could not wish her back if she had to live as a vegetable or even just to be bedridden and unable to enjoy being able to leave the house..
10/1/2009, 6:38 pm Link to this post Send e-mail to   Send PM to
 
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Why did I have the feeling his dad had something to do with his auto accident? Of course it was indirectly, and the boy could have left the party sooner rather than rush home if he was that worried about it, but something told me the dad factored in there somewhere.

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