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Order ofMelchizedek Profile
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Religious Nuts!


A priest and a pastor from two local churches are standing by the side of the road, feverishly pounding a hand made sign into the ground with a large rock.
The sign reads:
quote:

The End is Near!

Turn Yourself Around Now

Before It's Too Late!

As a car speeds past them, the driver yells out, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"
From the curve they hear screeching tires and a big splash.
The pastor turns to the priest and asks, "Do you think the sign should just say 'Bridge Out!?"


 emoticon

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Lord, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I’m not scared 'cause You’re holding my breath.
I only fear that I don’t have enough time left, to tell the world that there’s no time left. -G1C

9/2/2008, 12:37 am Link to this post Send PM to
 
Erika E Profile
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Re: Religious Nuts!


HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT
  
  
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.
  
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with olleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

  
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
  
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
  
One student, however, wrote the following:
  
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
  
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
  
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
  
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
  
So which is it?
  
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
  
  
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.


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9/3/2008, 4:55 pm Link to this post  
 
Lesigner Girl Profile
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Re: Religious Nuts!


I've read that before, Erika, but I laughed my head off just now reading it again! emoticon

Real life can be much funnier (or sadder), than made up jokes. Just see this site for some hilarious (or sad) posts from religious nuts all over the net.

Edit: Here's a really good one from that page:

quote:

One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn't possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it. [emphasis added]


Uh, yeah, it's called the sun. emoticon

Last edited by Lesigner Girl, 9/3/2008, 8:26 pm


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9/3/2008, 8:23 pm Link to this post Send e-mail to   Send PM to Blog
 
Pastor Rick Profile
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Re: Religious Nuts!


You guys are cracking me up Image

Mel, I have actually used that one in one of my sermons emoticon

Erika, where on earth did you find this? I love it emoticon

Lesa, We now have proof you worship the sun emoticon

karma for all of you emoticon

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9/3/2008, 11:15 pm Link to this post Send e-mail to   Send PM to Blog
 
Lesigner Girl Profile
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Re: Religious Nuts!


Well, the sun does make life possible on this planet, so maybe we should all worship it! emoticon

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9/3/2008, 11:17 pm Link to this post Send e-mail to   Send PM to Blog
 
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Re: Religious Nuts!


I'm a great sun lover!
I think it's true to say that folk deprived of sunshine get more depressed and miserable than those of us who are lucky enough to have sun in our lives almost every day of the year!
Just looking at a lovely blue sky and seeing the sunshine makes me happy to be alive and gives me more bounce to the ounce. On a grey dreary day I want to hibernate.


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9/4/2008, 1:19 am Link to this post Send e-mail to   Send PM to Blog
 
Erika E Profile
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Re: Religious Nuts!


I had this in an email that I kept Pastor. emoticon Im glad you liked it, and also that it made Lesa laugh. YAY.

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9/4/2008, 3:08 am Link to this post  
 
Lesigner Girl Profile
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Re: Religious Nuts!


I like that you liked making me laugh! emoticon

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9/5/2008, 8:57 pm Link to this post Send e-mail to   Send PM to Blog
 
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Re: Religious Nuts!


I like that she liked that you liked her making you laugh emoticon

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9/5/2008, 10:01 pm Link to this post Send e-mail to   Send PM to Blog
 
Lesigner Girl Profile
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Re: Religious Nuts!


I like that you liked that I liked that she liked making me laugh. emoticon

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9/6/2008, 10:50 am Link to this post Send e-mail to   Send PM to Blog
 


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